


Don't Mess With My Folks

by MozartKing



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mild Language, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-19 01:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MozartKing/pseuds/MozartKing
Summary: After the birth of their son Henry, they thought that was the end of it. But boy were they wrong
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Kudos: 12





	Don't Mess With My Folks

It was another night in the unit. Still getting things done and fixing up young men who get drafted every damn day, hoping they all go home. Hawkeye and B.J. wished they could go home, not just themselves but for their son. He was only a few months old, but everytime Hawkeye or B.J. wasn’t there he would cry, and everytime a shelling or explosion would come in he would want his mother Hawkeye. As they slept, they heard crying, which didn’t just Hawkeye, B.J., and Charles who put his pillow over his head but the whole unit could hear.

“Hawkeye, maybe I should get him, you’ve gotten him more than me,” said B.J. opening his eyes. “I got it Beej, and besides, he’s the new alarm clock to wake everybody up” said Hawkeye. “Don’t you mean us in particular,” said B.J. They heard Charles turn, “and let’s not forget our one true friend over there” said Hawkeye pointing

“One more word out of you pierce, and you will be a true friend to my foot up your ass” complained Charles moving on his side. Henry fussed more, Hawkeye picked him up, “hey what’s the matter big guy? Did mean old Chuck scare you? I wouldn’t be surprised, he does look like the Big Bad Wolf” said Hawkeye. His son stopped and looked at him with big eyes, “now there’s that handsome smile we all love in this MASH unit” “And the only thing that keeps us sane here” said B.J. kissing both Hawkeye and Henry. “Still can’t believe it, almost a year we made this little miracle” said Hawkeye holding his son. “Yeah, still can’t believe it, and Peg can’t get over the fact that men can get pregnant” said B.J. chuckling. B.J. rubbed Henry’s head, “he’s growing deep curls now” said B.J. smiling

“Let’s hope and pray he doesn’t get that cheesy mustache you call style” B.J. kissed Hawkeye “Would you mind, most people in this hell are trying to sleep, so please for the love of death and God please go to sleep” said Charles putting his head down. “Attention, incoming wounded!” shouted the intercom. Hawkeye looked at Henry, who looked back at him, “I hate to break it to you big guy but your dads have to go clear the city from crime and stuff.” Hawkeye kissed his son’s head making Henry grab his nose, “we will see you later little man” said B.J. They heard Klinger come in, “sirs, request for me to watch your son while you go!?” asked Klinger saluting. Henry fussed, “really Klinger, we already put Henry down. Why not go wake the entire Korean army with your shouting” said Hawkeye.

“New dress Klinger?” asked B.J. “you like it sir, I’m thinking of the old Navy Blues, everyman in uniform wants the new deal” “Thanks for taking over, you don’t know what that means to us,” said Hawkeye kissing his son deep. When Hawkeye left, Klinger looked “what’s with him?” questioned Klinger, “don’t know, could just be late hormones, Peg had the same thing after Erin.”  
Klinger looked at a smiling Henry, “now kid, which one do you think, pink or blue. Many don’t like the color and blue is my family’s old carpet” Henry smiled, “you’re right, blue it is” Klinger carried him “you know, I see a fashion model in you kid.”

Inside, Hawkeye started to feel sick, “Pierce, you alright?” asked a worried Margaret handing him a clamp. “I’m fine Margaret, just a cold” said a weezy Hawkeye. B.J. looked “Do you want me to take over?” “no, let’s just finish shit so I can be with Henry.” Potter looked over to Hawkeye, then B.J. “Pierce, if you have the common cold, I would be getting it checked out if I were you, don’t want sick doctors in here” said Potter, “I’m fine Colonel, just need to concentrate before I fall on this guy”

After 3 hours, Hawkeye put his head down, “Hawkeye, are you alright?” asked Father Mulcahy, “yes Father, but could you do one favor for me?” “yes Hawkeye, anything” Hawkeye took off his mask, “could you get me some Holy water and some wine to go with that” said Hawkeye who ran outside. “Damnit Pierce, Hunnicutt see if he’s alright and if he’s not send him back to the SWAMP” said Potter glaring.

B.J. saw puking, “Hawkeye, I think you need to get checked out. It could something serious” said B.J. rubbing his back. “B.J., I said I’m fine and when I say I’m fine, I’m” He got sick again. Radar came out “holy moly, is Hawkeye okay?” asked a worried Radar, “Radar I’m fine, now could you both get off my ass!” yelled Hawkeye. Radar looked, “but sir, a message came in, saying that Colonel Flagg is coming in,” said Radar. “Why the hell give it to us?” asked B.J. “Don’t really know sir, Sparky just said it’s top secret that involves you two”

Hawkeye rubbed his mouth and looked at Radar, “what does Sparky mean US?” said Hawkeye, “like I said sir, and you know Flagg. He always gets into people's business.” They got back to the SWAMP, Charles looked, “well, took you two long enough, your Henry was wondering where his mother was. And can I just say, the boy loves Mozart” said a happy Charles. B.J. held Henry, “what’s wrong with Pierce, he looks like a dead sea captain”

“He’s sick, we want him to get checked just in case, but refuses,” said B.J. Hawkeye looked, “it’s not that, Colonel Flagg is coming to see us, and if it has something to do with Henry, I’ll kill him.” Charles looked, “but that is ridiculous Pierce, what would Colonel Flagg have a problem with young Henry, he is a bright young boy but blunt parents” said Charles sitting next to Hawkeye. They heard Hawkeye cry, B.J. came over and held him “what if they take our son Beej? what if they do experiments? What the fuck am I going to do?” Hawkeye held Henry, who grabbed his father’s pitch raven hair. “Hawke, that will never happen, I love you to never let that happen. SHHH” B.J. held his family. Charles looked at them, he wanted to smack Flagg for what he has in mind. “If I may Pierce, some Mozart” said Charles.

“Go ahead Charles” said a weak smiling Hawkeye. Henry started to jiggle making Hawkeye and B.J. happy, “I think we found ourselves a music man over here” said B.J. waving his fingers around. “More like a singer, aren’t ya Bing Crosby” said Hawkeye lifting Henry up. “I think the young boy is more of a conductor in his future, and a Winchester always makes the best out of young men who find Mozart fascinating” said Charles. They heard the door, “sorry sirs, Colonel Flagg is here” said Radar. All looked, “if he says one word, he better pray to Father Mulcahy” said Hawkeye standing up getting dizzy, B.J. caught him.

They got inside and Potter stood in front of his desk, “guessing he’s hiding in the toaster this time?” said Hawkeye. He held Henry close “I see the boy is doing well Pierce, but let me guess, you didn’t get a check up from Major Houlihan?” said Potter looking at B.J. “Unless I have the plague, just hope it doesn’t get to Henry.” they heard Margaret, “hey Hot Lips” said B.J. she glared “what are you doing here, hope Frank isn’t calling today” said a tired Hawkeye. “I wanted to see what the problem was and get to slap Flagg first” said Margaret. Charles came in, “looks like the band is fully here, Radar go get” before he could get Radar out, Flagg came in with a more stupid outfit slamming the door on Radar’s face. “I’m already here” “unfortunately” said Charles sitting down

Radar went out, Flagg took his glasses off looking at Henry. “Don’t push me Major, I know you more than you may know yourself,” said Flagg. Charles rolled his eyes, “Now then, you know why I’m here, and by the looks of things I’d say you already got them.” B.J. held Hawkeye back. “Colonel Flagg, we all are here because we are worried for baby Henry and our captains” said Margaret. Flagg sat on the desk, “don’t pester me Major, you may be a woman but I can still slap you until it slaps me back.” everyone got confused, “first get your tush off my desk and tell me what my captains are charged with” said a glaring Potter.

“I got word that two of your captains had physical contact and gave a spawn to this unit, and will want that done with” everyone looked at Flagg. B.J. and Hawkeye looked, “look here you little rat of a bastard, no one is taking my son. Even if you have to call the MP’s and I don’t think they’ll want to see your face!” said Hawkeye. Flagg went up and touched Henry’s hair making Everyone angry. Hawkeye pulled him away, “Colonel you have two seconds to explain the charges or I will have you kicked out like the Kentucky Derby” said Potter. “I’m going to observe 4077, and see if we really are for a little mouse in this camp, if your son is good here, I’ll let the charges slide. But hear this, if he is bad, I’ll have the MP’s take him away” said Flagg walking out. Radar ran in, “Heard everything sir” 

B.J. looked at Hawkeye, “Hawke” “don’t speak to me” said Hawkeye walking out with Henry. “Colonel if I may” Potter put his hand up, “I know Hunnicut, but we must obey, but if he so much puts a hand on young Henry, I will let you hit him like a merry pinata.” In the night, Hawkeye couldn’t sleep, he rubbed his stomach “god, I hope not” said Hawkeye to himself. He went to Margaret’s tent, Flagg was hiding and watching Hawkeye making him curious. “Margret, you there?” she rubbed her eyes “Peirce? Is something wrong with Henry?” he got inside, “Henry’s alright, I need you to do an exam. I think, I might be pregnant” said a worried Hawkeye. After 15 minutes she looked, “Pierce, how far along are you?”

“Oh God, what’s Beej gonna think, another kid in this hell” said Hawkeye covering his face. “Hawkeye, you know damn well what B.J. will think. He’ll think it’s lovely to have another baby in this world when we are at war” said Margaret. “What if?” he shook his head, “I’ll tell him, when it’s time” said Hawkeye. Flagg got suspicious and put his head back in the can taking notes. Next day while Margaret was watching Henry, Hawkeye couldn’t think nor could hold the tools, “Hawke, you alright?” said a worried B.J. “yeah, just plain dandy darling.” Charles looked, “Colonel, could I talk to B.J.?” Klinger took over.

“I think this is the time you tell me you want a checkup?” asked a smirking B.J. Hawkeye rolled his eyes. “No Beej, okay, how do you feel about another baby?” asked Hawkeye. B.J. blinked, “um, I would love another kid, but with Henry, we probably have to wait” said B.J., “looks like you might need to change your plans” “Hawke, what are trying to tell me?” questioned B.J. he saw Hawkeye glow. He put B.J.’s hand on his stomach, “is that?” “yup Beej,” said a tearful Hawkeye. B.J. kissed him, “you think the unit won’t mind another baby running around?” asked Hawkeye, “we already have Henry, I think they’re used to it”

They went in to tell Potter but Flagg was there looking at files, “Hey Colonel, looks like you gave the rat little cheese, he wants more!” shouted Hawkeye. Radar came in, “what are you doing with those!?” shouted Radar, “easy kid you’ll be an inch taller when you yell like that” said Hawkeye. Potter came in, “horse hockey, what in hellfire are you doing through my files Flagg?” asked Potter done with Flagg. “It seems your captains played you the second time, one for one spawn and two for another” said Flagg pointing. “Might have to go to Soul, I’m pregnant again Colonel.” B.J. kissed Hawkeye and Potter smiled, “Radar, go tell Sparky to give these boys and their son tickets to Soul. and while you do that, tell the MP’s to pick up this skunk, he stinks with feces” said Potter.

“I heard the noise. Colonel Flagg? what are you doing here?” asked Father Mulcahy. “Sorry Father, but it seems we have some captains who are not as clean as you think” 

“Better get your robes on Father, I’m pregnant” “oh my, well this is terrific!” said Father Mulcahy. Flagg looked, “sir, MP’s are here” said Radar. The men walked in, the men didn’t want to be here and didn’t like Flagg anyway. Everyone looked, one was familiar. “Spearchucker?” questioned Hawkeye, “hey ya Hawke, got to say, when I heard you got laid I thought they were joking but I guess I was wrong” said a chuckling Spearchucker. “Gentlemen, get this man out of my unit and my face now” said Potter pointing to Flagg who tried to run but got tripped by Spearchucker.

Later on, Spearchucker stayed to get used to new and old friends. “Got to say, for a guy different than Trapper, you sure know what a good time is” said Spearchucker. “So Spearchucker, you were a surgeon, right?” asked B.J. Hawkeye sat down with little Henry in his arms, “damn straight your ass I was, and the best out there.” “So why leave, why an MP?”

“They didn’t want an African American, but thanks to them seeing I have both muscle and gut, they needed an MP, so I took it” said Spearchucker drinking. “Mr. Jones, I would love for you to come and work under my family’s name. You deserve better than this stick hole of a SWAMP that I live in” said Charles sitting down, “sorry man, but I agreed and the answer is sticking to me” said Spearchucker, “could I?” Hawkeye smiled and let Spearchucker, “he’s rather cute for a Hawkeye boy, and thank God he doesn't have a mustache like your daddy has kid. What’s his name?” asked Spearchucker

“Henry Trapper Hunnicutt” said B.J. “good name for a kid. Still miss that son of a bitch Henry, and miss Trapper. Speaking of, what the hell happened to Frank, got lost in the trench and mindfield again?” asked Spearchucker twiddling his finger to Henry. “Went mad after hearing about Margaret getting married, so got him kicked out. And good rinse” “agree with that” said Margaret, “my turn.” Spearchucker handed him over, “God I miss this shit hole, and heard the news you both are expecting another kid on the way. Hope it’s a girl” said Spearchucker saluting and drinking.


End file.
